Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
