bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
honey bunches of taint.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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