Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
