you guys were way drunker than both of me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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