i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
