did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
