Me too!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
