there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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