I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
