I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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