Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
