maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
