I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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