sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
