I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
