I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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