how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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