it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
