I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
