I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
