haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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