the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
