please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
