I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
