took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
