Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
