If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
