I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
