i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
