I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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