good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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