his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
