she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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