I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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