my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize