Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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