I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
