Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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