with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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