he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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