I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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