No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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