Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
