So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
