Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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