I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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