next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
