OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize