he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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