So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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