Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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