Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
why is half of my head shaved?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
