I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
