I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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