ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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