Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
