the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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