last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
