woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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