I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
