started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
