she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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