i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
