wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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