I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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