If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
