At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
try to milk me bitch
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